The best gifts

It’s kind of funny. This blog started as funny stories, rambling of sorts about the silly things that happen, just happen to always happen, to me. Although the past few posts haven’t been what I would consider “funny” they have been noteworthy in heart. I promise the funny will come back, sooner than later, but at this time in my life my expressive creativity is flowing in a different theme. I would at first consider this a forward or a forewarning…”what you’re about to read will not be witty”. Actually, this is an invitation…to see behind the funny stories, behind the giggles, behind the smile.

Life is crazy in that it is a teacher when you don’t really feel like learning shit. You know how you feel during a long hard work out? How you think, my goodness, can I really do this? I want to stop! Water please! How many more minutes? How far have I run? Then, when it’s all over you say, “wow, that wasn’t really that bad now was it?” Then, the next time you give it a go, you go a bit faster, a bit further and a bit longer than before.

This is similar to how I have felt over the past five months. I look back and can smile upon the begging and pleading I did with God. I can laugh about how I tried to hold onto something that wasn’t there to begin with. Have you ever tried to hold onto nothing? Try to hold onto thin air and tell me how that works out. So I questioned myself at every turn I could in the beginning. I asked the “why’s”, the “why me’s” and the “why not’s”. I sulked, I stayed in bed, I shut down completely. I was catatonic. Lifeless. Terrified. Alone. Pissed as hell. Hopeless. Confused. Utterly disgusted. Then, it all made sense. Sounds simple huh? In retrospect, it was just that easy.

God spoke to me. He told me all the things that he had been telling me for the past ten years only this time I listened. He spoke directly to me and so there was no confusion, he tattooed those words on my heart and soul. He told me that I am beautiful. That he loves me. That it is my time. That I settled. That I am funny and smart and that I will never be alone. That I am his child. That he has a better plan for me, one that will blow my mind. He told me things that I will never forget.

He sent me words of encouragement. He sent me strength. He sent me energy not only to get out of bed but to do something productive with each day! He sent me reasons to be happy. He sent me knowledge. He sent me insight. He sent me people. People! People! People! Friends and family came from every corner to help me, heal me, love me, kiss me and hug me. He sent me people to make me smile. He sent people that see right through my tough persona. He sent people who make me feel like new even when I think I am damaged. He sent people to hold my hand. He sent people to dry my tears. People to make me cry tears of joy. People that I can inspire. People that I can help. People that can learn from me. He sent people that I can learn from. He sent people who make me laugh. He sent me people that I missed. People that I forgot I missed. People… He sent people, his people.

I am forever grateful for unanswered prayers. Blessings come in really strange packages.

The end.